Chapter 9 - JULIAN CALLED ME AFTER THREE YEARS AND FINALLY SAID THE WORDS I NEVER EXPECTED
The call was scheduled.
Prison calls always were.
Chloe had just turned twelve.
Julian had completed several therapy programs.
He requested a conversation with me through his counselor.
Not about custody.
Not money.
An apology.
I almost declined.
Then I agreed.
The phone rang.
“Audrey.”
“Julian.”
Silence.
His voice sounded older.
“I won't keep you long.”
“Okay.”
“I've spent three years trying to figure out how to apologize without making the apology another way of asking you for something.”
That got my attention.
He continued.
“I can't.”
“What?”
“I can't make it completely clean.”
He breathed.
“Part of me wants you to forgive me. Part of me wants Chloe to think better of me. Part of me wants to stop feeling like the worst thing I've done defines me.”
I said nothing.
“But those are my problems.”
That was new.
“I hurt you.”
My chest tightened.
“I controlled money.”
“Yes.”
“I made you believe staying home with Chloe meant you contributed less.”
“Yes.”
“I cheated.”
“Yes.”
“I hid assets.”
“Yes.”
“I paid Derek to interfere with you because I was terrified you'd expose me.”
My hand shook.
“Yes.”
“And when you were in the hospital…”
His voice broke.
“I tried to drag you out of bed.”
I closed my eyes.
“Yes.”
“I've told myself for years that I panicked about money.”
Silence.
“But the truth is I was angry because you were somewhere I couldn't control.”
That sentence hit deeper than anything.
The hospital had doctors.
Nurses.
Rules.
Records.
Witnesses.
Julian's authority stopped at the door.
He hated it.
“I thought being your husband meant I got to decide what was reasonable.”
He continued.
“I was wrong.”
Tears filled my eyes.
“I don't expect you to forgive me.”
“Good.”
A small sad laugh.
“Still direct.”
“I learned.”
“I know.”
Then:
“I am sorry, Audrey.”
No but.
No because.
No pressure.
Just sorry.
I didn't forgive him that day.
I said:
“I hear you.”
That was enough.
After the call, I sat alone.
Michael found me later.
“You okay?”
“Yes.”
“Want to talk?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
He kissed my forehead and left the room.
Freedom inside love.
I was still getting used to it.
Chloe's visits with Julian eventually became possible.
Supervised at first.
She wanted them.
I allowed them.
Not because Julian deserved access automatically.
Because professionals believed it could be safe and beneficial, and Chloe wanted a relationship with her father.
The first visit was awkward.
She came home quiet.
“How was it?”
“Fine.”
I waited.
Then:
“Dad cried.”
“I imagine.”
“He looks old.”
“He isn't that old.”
“He has gray hair.”
“So do I.”
“You dye yours.”
“Go upstairs.”
She laughed.
Then became serious.
“He said you're smarter than him.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“That must've hurt.”
Chloe laughed harder.
Then:
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“I asked why he hurt you.”
My body tightened.
“What did he say?”
“He said because he cared more about protecting himself than protecting you.”
I swallowed.
That was accurate.
“And he said that wasn't love.”
I looked away.
Maybe Julian was changing.
Maybe accountability had finally become more important than explanation.
I hoped so.
For Chloe.
Not for me.
May you like
My life had moved beyond needing him to become good.
That was freedom too.
