Chapter 10 - Connor Came to My Hospital Again Ten Years Later
Ten years after the hallway where everything exploded, I saw Connor in my hospital again.
This time, he wasn't carrying a baby.
He was alone.
I was fifty.
Chief of Pediatric Cardiology.
Lucy was five.
Ethan was eleven.
Nathan still claimed anesthesiologists were underappreciated.
Connor stood near the elevators.
Older.
Gray at the temples.
Less arrogant.
He saw me.
“Kirsten.”
“Connor.”
For one second, history tried to return.
Then it failed.
The hallway was just a hallway now.
“What are you doing here?”
“Cardiology appointment.”
I looked at him.
“Adult cardiology is in the other building.”
“I know.”
He smiled weakly.
“I got lost.”
Some things never change.
Then he became serious.
“I heard you became chief.”
“I did.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
Silence.
“How's Ethan?”
“You saw him last month.”
“I know.”
He looked embarrassed.
“I mean… generally.”
“He's good.”
“School?”
“Good.”
“Soccer?”
“Still obsessed.”
Connor smiled.
“He gets that from me.”
Technically not genetically.
I did not say it.
Growth.
He looked at me.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Not cutting me out completely.”
I leaned against the wall.
“That wasn't entirely my decision.”
“You could have made it harder.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn't you?”
“Because Ethan loved you.”
Connor looked down.
“I didn't deserve that.”
“Children aren't rewards for deserving adults.”
He nodded.
Then:
“I'm sorry.”
“We've done this.”
“I know.”
“Then why again?”
“Because I understand it differently now.”
I waited.
He looked toward the pediatric play area.
“I thought infertility made me weak.”
“Yes.”
“I thought if you knew, you'd leave.”
“I wouldn't have.”
“I know.”
“And then you did everything that guaranteed I eventually would.”
He laughed sadly.
“Yeah.”
Silence.
“I was cruel to you.”
“Yes.”
“Especially about your body.”
“Yes.”
“I knew the truth.”
“Yes.”
“I don't expect forgiveness.”
“You already have it.”
His head lifted.
“What?”
“I forgave you years ago.”
He stared.
“Why?”
“Because I got tired of carrying you.”
His eyes filled.
That sounded harsh.
It wasn't.
It was freedom.
“Does Nathan know you're this terrifying?”
“He married me voluntarily.”
Connor smiled.
Then:
“Are you happy?”
I thought about Nathan.
Lucy.
Ethan.
My career.
My strange relationship with Melinda.
Sunday pancakes.
Soccer games.
School projects.
“Yes.”
“Good.”
And to my surprise, I meant what I said next.
“I hope you are too.”
Connor swallowed.
“Working on it.”
“Good.”
The elevator opened.
He stepped inside.
Then turned.
“Kirsten?”
“Yes?”
“That day here.”
I knew.
“When I said leaving you was the best decision I ever made.”
I almost smiled.
“What about it?”
“I wanted to hurt you.”
“I know.”
“I had rehearsed it.”
That made me laugh.
“You rehearsed it?”
“In the car.”
“That's embarrassing.”
“Extremely.”
The doors started closing.
He stopped them.
“I was wrong.”
“About what?”
“Leaving you wasn't the best decision I ever made.”
I waited.
“Telling the truth eventually was.”
The doors closed.
I stood there.
Then my pager went off.
Emergency consult.
Life continued.
Exactly as it should.
That evening, I told Nathan.
“He rehearsed the line.”
Nathan laughed for five full minutes.
“Stop.”
“No.”
“He was emotionally immature.”
“He practiced a villain speech in the car.”
“Apparently.”
Nathan wiped his eyes.
“I almost respect the commitment.”
I threw a dish towel at him.
Lucy entered.
“Why are you fighting?”
“We're flirting.”
“Gross.”
She left.
Nathan kissed me.
“Happy?”
“Yes.”
And I was.
Not because everyone who hurt me suffered forever.
May you like
That isn't happiness.
I was happy because their suffering no longer mattered to mine.
